What most parents don’t realize is that the very homework struggles they’re battling every night are often a great reason to homeschool!
I can’t tell you how many times someone has said to me, “Oh, I could never homeschool, my kid won’t even do their homework now!” And every time I hear it, I want to laugh a little and hug them at the same time, because I believe that’s exactly why you should homeschool.
Common Concerns & Myths
I never hated learning. I hated school. Every year I started out excited, but the pace was too fast, I fell behind, and the homework that was supposed to help only left me more frustrated. My brain needed to move, talk, and try things hands-on. Sitting at a desk, listening to long lectures, and filling out worksheets made my mind just shut off. As a kid, I didn’t have the words to explain that. And even if I had, I’m not sure anyone would’ve really listened. What felt like “can’t do” to me was seen as “won’t do,” and I was labeled lazy or unmotivated.
Eventually, I’d think, “What’s the point? I’m already too far behind. I’m going to be grounded no matter what.” The story was always the same: progress reports (with missing or incomplete assignments on them) would go home, I’d hide them for as long as I could, and eventually my parents would find out. Those were the good ‘ole days before online grades! Then I would be grounded until the next 9-weeks. It happened so often that it became a running joke among my friends. All of that boiled down to me feeling stressed and anxious over anything related to school work.
What the Research Shows About Homework
Turns out, my experience is not unique and there is research to back it up. Recent studies confirm homework’s benefits are far more limited than most people think:
- Elementary students: Little to no academic benefit before age 12
- Middle schoolers: Some benefit, but only with short, meaningful assignments
- High schoolers: Homework may help to a point but too much can actually decrease academic performance
- The stress factor: 56% of students cite homework as their primary life stressor, with 30% of teens reporting sadness or depression from academic pressure
If homework is supposed to help, why does it so often do the opposite?
The Real Problem When Kids “Hate” Homework
Maybe you see your child in my story. Or maybe you even see yourself, remembering how you struggled in school too. What if none of us were unmotivated, lazy, or dumb but actually struggling with one of the oh so common struggles within public school:
- Or just the weight of too much, too fast, with no time to breathe.
- Mental exhaustion. After 6-8 hours of sitting still and listening, their brain is done.
- A learning style mismatch where worksheets just don’t make sense.
- The assignments don’t connect to the real world with meaning.
A Real Middle School Schedule
Remember how I said I was exhausted from sitting in a desk all day? Well, that exhaustion doesn’t end when the school bell rings. We live in a society that rewards being busy, and “Hustle Culture” has trickled right down to our kids. These days, you even hear kids “Busy Bragging” the same way adults do, like their worth is tied to what they do and not who they are.
I’m not calling anyone out here…this was me! I was at the height of “Booked and Busy” until a ruptured brain aneurysm and stroke knocked me down while photographing a wedding. That lifestyle had trickled right into our kids’ lives, and I didn’t even see it at the time.
Here’s what a typical day looked like for my oldest son in middle school:
- 7:00 Wake up
- 7:30 Finally dragged himself out of bed
- 8:30 Leave for school
- 9:00–3:50 School (6 hours 50 minutes of sitting, listening, trying to keep up)
- 4:15 Picked up
- 4:45 Snack, rest, change for baseball
- 5:20 Leave for baseball
- 6:00–7:30 Baseball
- 8:00 Home
In those last two hours before bed, he had to eat, shower, do chores, finish homework, and maybe, if there was a scrap of time, do something he actually enjoyed. Of course he pushed back on homework.
Research says that teenagers need 9 to 11 hours of sleep each night for healthy brain development. If my son went to bed at 10:30 (and that’s a big “if”!), he only had 2.5 hours between getting home and bedtime, just enough to squeeze in 8.5 hours of sleep.
The truth is, you can’t expect homework to fix a problem that starts in the classroom. Combine that with kids who are overwhelmed and exhausted, homework becomes the enemy. Homework now represents one more demand on an already impossible schedule.
Myth: Homework Builds Character
I know what some parents are thinking: “If I don’t make them do things they don’t want to do, how will they ever learn discipline? Life isn’t always fun, life is busy and overwhelming, and they need to learn that now.”
A lot of parents (and I was one of them!) believe that pushing kids through public school and homework struggles, even when they hate it, teaches valuable character traits like discipline and responsibility. The thinking goes: “If they don’t learn now to do the hard stuff, how will they survive as adults when life gets tough?
I Agree With The Sentiment…But Approach It Differently
On the surface, that makes complete sense. Life isn’t always fun. Bills still need to be paid, jobs need to get done, you won’t always like your boss, and so many other things we all work through as adults and we have to do it all anyway. You’re absolutely right that our kids need to learn how to face challenges and push through difficult situations so that they too can work through challenges as adults.
But here’s the question we need to ask: But here’s the question we need to ask: Do we really want school, the very place where learning should light them up, to be where our kids learn to shut down who they are, comply with a system that doesn’t fit them, and push through an overwhelming life, all in the name of “building character”?
What Homework Actually Teaches
Think about it. When we force kids to fit into a system to learn in a way they don’t understand, doesn’t connect to anything meaningful, and feels impossible to manage with their busy schedule…what are they really learning?
I think they could be learning that:
- Education/School is something to be endured, not enjoyed
- Work is not supposed to be fun
- Success means compliance
- Their natural curiosity and interests (who they are) don’t matter
- That work and education is not driven by passion
That’s not learning, that’s compliance.
Learning Should Be Fun
Learning should never feel like a burden. It shouldn’t be about surviving the day or checking boxes. I don’t picture red pens and late-night tears over homework. It should be something that draws kids in, lights them up, and brings families closer. To me, here’s what real education is all about:
- Curiosity grows instead of fading with time.
- Children can ask questions freely, without fear of being “off-topic” or slowing down the schedule.
- Creativity that is encouraged, not stifled by standards.
- Deep conversations are the heartbeat of the day.
- Family connections are strengthened and protected.
- The focus is on raising souls, not scores.
There’s a huge difference between teaching kids to work hard and teaching them to suffer through meaningless tasks. One builds character. The other builds resentment.
Real Life Experiences Build Character Better Than Homework
I didn’t learn discipline and responsibility at school or by doing homework. School taught me to sit still, stay quiet, hate the work, and to believe I wasn’t smart when my learning didn’t fit the one-size-fits-all system.
I learned how to be reliable and adapt in tough situations while waiting tables in high school. When three tables sat down in my section at once, I had to juggle everything because their experience (and my tip!) depended on me.
I learned the importance of perseverance when my state job wasn’t enough and I started a house-cleaning business just to to make ends meet.
And I learned courage and ambition when I “talked” my way into an administrative assistant job for an Inspector General. I didn’t have the right qualifications on paper, but I kept calling and even showed up in person until they finally gave me an interview. Honestly, I think I got that job because I had grit.
We Want Them Same Thing For Our Kids
So, while homework might look like it builds character, the truth is it mostly drains kids who are already stretched thin from a frustrating day at school and an overwhelmingly busy schedule, both of which is a recipe for disaster.
Why “Won’t Do Homework” Might Be the Best Reason to Homeschool
If you’re watching your child struggle, it isn’t proof that homeschooling wouldn’t work. It may actually be the sign that it’s time to try something different.
I believe homeschooling is the best choice for kids who struggle with homework because:
- Those struggles are often a sign that something isn’t working inside the classroom like mismatched learning styles, fast paced lectures, and boredom. Any combination of those, or the long list of other struggles, are a fast track to frustration.
- The research, and our own life experiences, have shown how homework doesn’t deliver the benefits we think it does.
- Most importantly, homeschooling allows us to slow down our daily lives and really focus on meaningful interactions with how we approach learning within the real world. Those real life experiences we can provide our kids is where true character is built. Not through endless busywork but through meaningful tasks that produce tangible results and build trust.
When you choose to leave public school to homeschool, you’re not just ending homework battles, you’re opening the door to a better life. You’re saying yes to more time as a family, to deeper connection, and to building days that flow with peace and purpose.
Remember, no one else will advocate for your child’s future, or the future of your family, like you will. When you care the most you will do the most.
Works Cited
National Library of Medicine. The relationship between homework time and academic performance among K‐12: A systematic review, 18 September 2024, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11409198/. Accessed 24 August 2025.
Parker, Clifton B., et al. “More than two hours of homework may be counterproductive, research suggests | Stanford Graduate School of Education.” Stanford Graduate School of Education, 10 March 2014, https://ed.stanford.edu/news/more-two-hours-homework-may-be-counterproductive-research-suggests. Accessed 24 August 2025.
Transforming Education. “Student Stress Statistics.” Transforming Education, Steptember 2010, https://transformingeducation.org/student-stress-statistics/. Accessed 24 August 2025.
